#4
This rider, it was a few years ago, he was going to be tested that day. It's meant to be random but, well, it wasn't like it is now, come in here and stick your prodder in a test-tube while a man in a white coat watches you do it. You could sometimes find out before, that morning anyway, and so you knew you'd have to be a bit more careful what sweeties you took. Anyway, this rider knows he's going to be tested at the end of the day and he's shifting himself. He's been overdoing it a bit lately, fellow with the briefcase been calling round a lot. So this is what he does. He tells his girlfriend to wait beside the road at a certain point, somewhere in the woods where there aren't too many people around. And then, as the peloton arrives, he says he's dropping back, stopping for a piss or something, maybe he said he'd spotted his girl and was going to give her a kiss. Anyway, he stops, and he's asked her to have a sample ready for him, you know, one of hers, in a placcy bag and slips it down his jersey. So at the end of the day they tell him to give a sample, and he takes the tube and goes into the toilet and comes back and hands it over, easy as pie. Next morning he's called back by the doctors and he's really surprised because he knows he must have tested clean. He can't think what to expect. And you know what they say to him? 'Francois,' or whatever his name is, 'Francois, the good news is you're clean. The bad news is you're pregnant.'
#5
Another of Andy's stories is about Linda and Sean Kelly waiting for Stephen Roche to take dope test. This was during the 1984 Amstel Gold Classic. In Meersten. That's in Holland. You see, I know all the detailed by now. So while they were waiting, Linda was sitting on their car, and when she got up she left a mark where her hand had been. Sean Kelly, according to Andy, is a very particular man. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped away the mark. Didn't say a word, just wiped away the mark. Linda said something to him like, I can see what your priorities are, first the car, then the bike and then the wife. Sean Kelly looks at her, completely serious, and do you know what he says? He says, 'The bike comes first.'
#6
Mr Douglas told me about Brambilla. The name won't mean anything to you unless you're one of us. He was an Italian. Way back then. Lost the Tour on the very last day*, which isn't something happens often. That's not why Mr Douglas told me about him. He was a real pro. A hard man. When he thought he was riding badly he used to slap himself round the face and whack himself with his pump and not let himself any water even though he had some left. Tough character. You have to be a bit crazy as well to do what we do. Anyway, he was a well-known rider, and he'd had a good career, and he was getting a bit long in the tooth. And one day his mates went to see him, and they found him at the bottom of his garden. He's been digging this sort of pit, well more a narrow trench but really deep. And you know what he was doing? He was burying his bycicle. Burying it upright, like is was when he rode it. And his mates asked him what he was up to. And Brambilla told the what he was doing. He was burying his bycicle because in his opinion he was no longer worthy to ride it. Mr Douglas said I should never forget the story and I haven't.
* - http://www.veloarchive.com/races/tour/1947.php
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